Psychonaut Inspection
by Lady Myotismon
Summary: An inspector going through the minds of Agent Raz and Agent Oleander during a routine inspection notices something odd.


A/N: The background on my cell phone is a picture of the Psychonauts. I was writing another, entirely different, not Psychonaut-related story at all when I got a text message and, glancing at the background on my phone, was inspired to write this. This is just a quick little fic, not very good or complex, but I felt the need to write it. I've never thought about Raz and Morceau this way before, but it seems kind of cute and fluffy so I figured why not?

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Psychonaut Inspection

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Every year, a Psychonaut is subject to a mandatory mind inspection, during which he or she is extremely vulnerable. All mental vaults are opened, all emotional baggage is checked, and all cobwebs are dusted out for maximum cranial capacity. No secrets can be hidden from the Inspector and, if a Psychonaut resists, he or she is likely to end up unemployed. 

Inspector Number 84 was responsible for examining the minds of some of the most famous Psychonauts of all - Agents Sasha Nein, Milla Vodello, Morceau Oleander, and the youngest Psychonaut in history, a boy by the name of Raz. The inspections passed smoothly for Nein and Vodello. Very little was worth noting; Milla's numerous personal demons were under control and, as usual, Sasha's mind was organized and neat. But when he probed into Oleander's brain, he found something unusual had occurred.

In the past inspections, Oleander's mind had, for the most part, been organized to serve as a boot camp for the Psycadets at the Whispering Rock Psychic Summer Camp. This specific organization of his mind was authorized, as long as he prevented the young Psychonauts-in-training from stumbling upon anything personal that could potentially educate them in a negative way or traumatize them for life. It had happened in the past that a previous Coach had allowed several campers to wander too far and discover his shocking sex life. That had been a disaster costing several hundreds of thousand dollars of government money in order to enter the childrens' minds to clean out that memory and to pay off lawsuits. Morceau had been successful when it came to hiding anything too personal, of which there was very little. His childhood with an abusive father was safely locked away and anything since then had not been particularly interesting. But now, there was an entirely new door in his brain, camouflaged by a wall of thorny vines and protected by a rather vicious looking rabbit. The inspector went forward and the rabbit, knowing this was an inspection, allowed him to pass.

No. 84 had not expected a circus. The tent was massive, and striped red and yellow. There were performers everywhere, some of them human, many of them humanoid rabbits. Personal demons were caged and on display. Bleachers were filling with audience members, some of them he recognized, like Sasha and Milla. This was confusing, and enough to write a note in the file about, but nothing about it seemed dangerous or bizarre. He almost turned and left before a light at the top of the tent caught his eye.

The Inspector found a ladder and climbed and climbed. Trapeze artists flew around him, while tight rope walkers waved amiably when he passed. He greeted them all with smiles and continued climbing, until he reached the source of the light – a hole in the tent. He pulled himself through the hole, and out into a room. The room was completely white. Across from him was another hole. In the center of the room was a table, at which sat astral projections of Oleander and Raz, playing a card game. They didn't notice him.

"Got any fours?" Raz asked.

Morceau looked defeated and reluctantly passed over a pair of cards.

"Ha! I win again!" Raz cried, and leapt from the table to do a victory dance across the room.

For a moment, Morceau looked irritated, but his expression was quickly replaced by a tender one. "Calm down and get you're butt back in this chair! Let's see who's cheering after a round of Cheat!"

The Inspector crossed the room and left through the opposite hole, expecting to find himself in another new section of Morceau Oleander's mind. Instead, he found himself looking down into an identical circus. He went down the ladder, studying his surroundings, expecting to find a major difference, but everything was exactly as it had been in the other tent. When he reached the ground, he left through a door that he expected to lead him into the Coach's boot camp again, but he was wrong. He found himself standing outside of a gypsy cart in a foggy field that seemed to stretch on forever.

Enough. He pulled out some smelling salts and immediately found himself being pulled from Raz's mind and back into his own.

"What?" he muttered to himself, removing the door from Raz's forehead and examining it carefully. "How did I get…" his voice trailed off as realization dawned on him.

As the quartet of Psychonauts stirred in their inspection chairs, No. 84 considered writing about what he experienced in Raz's and Morceau's minds, but decided not to. The inspector knew he should have reported it, because Raz was so young, but their relationship had to have been genuine for a connection that strong, and that was something the government had no right to meddle with.


End file.
